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I still have a lot of living to do.But I miss the two of you so much. I tormented myself a long time with the what ifs, but I can't go back. I can't change things and have you both here. I can't keep living in the past. I didn't even realize I was back there so much 'til DiNozzo barged into my life.I think you guys would like him. He's sharp, smart, loyal. He pretends to be a shallow fratboy, but he's so much more. And he's the one who is there just as much as Ducky. For so long I pushed Tony away but he keep coming back without complaint. He kept caring and worrying. And yeah, loving me.I've known he loves me for a while now.It isn't just the sex. It was never just the sex. He makes me feel things—frustration, anger, affection, pride, lust, desire. Not only the negative emotions but some positive ones too. I feel alive.And I think it is time I let someone in again. It's him, Shannon. And I know you understand.I poured myself a small dribble of bourbon and sipped it slowly. I wasn't. ‘If this crazy thing hadn’t happened, I’d be nothing but a memory, an important one but still just a memory.’ His next question really surprised Lewis and William. ‘Is that the barn that I built?’ He asked pointing to the building. ‘Yeah,’ William answered not sure of why Jim was asking. ‘There’s been a few new roofs put on and the plank siding has been replaced with newer type of siding but it’s still the same basic barn that you built back in 1885.’ ‘Been anything done with the insides?’ ‘No, some of the stalls have been replaced but nothing major’s been done inside.’ ‘I’d hoped you’d say that. C’mon boys, I’ve got a surprise for you,’ Jim said motioning for them to follow him to the barn. He led them to a little space behind the last stall and the wall. ‘A lot of people wondered why I put this flagstone down as a floor, most barns had pounded dirt or even wood floors.’ ‘Yeah, people have asked me about that floor,’ William said. ‘I never took to the idea of wading through mud in.
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